This month has been rough and I haven’t been writing a lot. I had to cope with my dad’s birthday less than two weeks ago, and now Father’s Day is coming up on Sunday. Today marks three months exactly since he died so things are very painful and raw. Even now I still feel like I’m in a nightmare sometimes.
On top of all that my fiancé hasn’t been well. On Tuesday he had a minor procedure done in hospital, which ruled out anything seriously wrong (thank God) but didn’t explain the symptoms he’s been experiencing for over a month now. I suspect stress and grief is the culprit, but it sucks not knowing for sure.
On a slightly more positive note, I’ve decided to change up my routine a bit. Since I am a freelancer who works from home (have done since before the pandemic) I can start work whenever I like. Usually I roll out of bed at 7:30, groggily get dressed and make coffee, and head straight to my laptop to begin my daily grind at 8.
Something you should know about me is that I hate, no, I fucking loathe mornings. I am always in the worst mood first thing, which makes work at that hour difficult. So, I’ve decided to make some adjustments. Instead of starting at 8 I will now start at 9, and instead of waking up at 7:30 I will wake up at 7. That way I have two whole hours to have my coffee and adjust to being conscious, and also have time to make a healthy smoothie for breakfast and do some stretching and meditation before I have to deal with people.
Of course this requires discipline. When my alarm goes off at 7 it is very tempting to sleep away most of those two hours before work. However, I find that even though I despise the morning time I eventually feel better and have more energy during the day if I wake up earlier and don’t oversleep.
I’ve also started going for my 30 minute walks after work again. I stopped doing that over the last two weeks because I’ve been so exhausted and overwhelmed by life – sometimes it takes all my energy just to survive the day.
I’m hoping these few changes will help me feel more like a human being and less like a ghoul all the time. Wish me luck. As always, I’ll need it.